BE BETTER

told myself
that i would be better
than you were
that i would not
be selfish
that i would not
play favorites
that i would be a
better parent.
always said
that you were an example
of who not to be
that there had to
be a better way
that happiness
is not found in
material things
but in the relationships
you bring.
growing up
i learned
what not to do
and guess what
i AM a better you.

CAN'T BE HELD BACK

i hear your whispers
on the phone
the way you look
at her
when you think
you're alone.
i believed
your promises
and all your lies
as i sit here alone now
stripped of my pride.
you know you
had me
in the palm
of your hand
but you couldn't be
the better man.
so i leave now
no turning back
a wistful heart
that won't be
held back.

WE REMEMBER

we only remember
the good times
we leave the bad ones
in the shadows
of our minds.
we remember
the laughter
the sunshine
the fame
but never
the tears
the clouds
or the days
filled with pain.
we remember
years past
burned deep into
our memories
but we forget
the things
that were never
meant to be.
we remember
the good times
...we remember love.

I

i searched for peace
but found war
i prayed for serenity
but found hate
i tried to understand
but found confusion
i thought you were real
but it was just an illusion.
i tried to give
but was taken advantage of
i was played for a fool
when all i wanted was love.
i sit alone
with my broken heart
too immobilized with fear
to really start
...over.

IN MY BED

i awake each morning
with you in my heart
and in my head
you are everywhere
but where you should be
-here in my bed.
i breathe not just for me
but also for you
can't help but wonder
where you are
who you're with
and what you do.
no one understands
my fallacy
nor the tears that i've cried
a broken heart
may mend
but it
cannot be denied.
i awake each morning
with you in my head
everywhere you should be
but here in my bed.

I TOLD MYSELF

i told myself
that i could be
the one that
you needed
that i would
love you
protect you
keep you safe
in my arms.
that no one
and nothing
would come
between us
that we would
remain strong
in the face
of adversity
that my prince
had finally come
that we would live
happily ever after.
but life
is not a fairy tale
and we are not pages
in a book.
so when we kissed
there was no magic
...only the end of
my dream.

LIFE

life will take you
turn around
and try
to break you.
lay obstacles
in your way
-a false friend
some would say.
pretense and confusion
life will hand you
many an illusion.
sunshine, sunset
forgiveness with
a little regret.
life will take you
turn around and
break you
bends and twists
memories laid bare
to forget.
life will take you
life will make you
laugh
life will make you
cry
but in the end
only life
knows why.

INVISIBLE

when did i become
invisible
when did my needs
and my wants
no longer matter
but lay scattered
with the wind.
when did i become
invisible
that you no longer
look at me
but thru me.
that you save
your smiles for strangers
share your dreams
with others
but not with me.
when did i become
invisible?

GOOD LUCK

good luck
he said
as he walked
out love's door
as i lay
broken and crying
crumbled hopes on
the floor.
good luck
the last words
from his lips
but tell me
how do i
come to grips
with this
...good luck.

I WALK AWAY

i walk away
from all the pain
that you caused me
lesson learned
a bitter pill
to swallow.
wasted years
tasted tears
that i thought
would never dry
words of hatred
as i did my best
believe me
i tried.
but i couldn't make
you love me
couldn't make you
the man
that i wanted
when what we had
neither one of us
needed
so
i walk away.

WE WISH FOR LOVE

we wish for love
it arrives
we abuse love
it dies
our heart breaks
we cry
we wish for love.
we take love
in the palm
of our hands
never knowing
if it's real
or made up by man
we wish for love.
we search for
a happy ending
but a fairytale
no one is bringing.
still we pretend
in spite of ourselves
take our hearts
down off the shelf
-we wish for love.

NO ONE KNOWS

no one knows
the pain that
i keep inside
my broken heart
my wounded pride.
no one understands
the way that i feel
i pretend not to care
but the emptiness
is so real.
no one knows
the tears i've cried
as i called out to God
and asked him why.
no one knows
the anger i keep
bottled inside.
no one knows
just me and i.

WITH NO REGRETS

took the blame
for every mistake
that you made
withstood each blow
took all
that you gave.
self-doubt swirled
round in my head
-believed the lies
each and every one
that you said.
all the names
you called me
i will never forget
but i'm done now
my love
and i leave
with no regrets.

MY ADDICTION

love is my addiction
my favorite affliction
a habit in deed
the drug that i need.
love is my addiction
my truth
not fiction
the rhythm
the rhyme
in my thoughts
and in my mind.
love is my addiction
my future
my past
my hope
that it will last.
love is my addiction
...for you and i.